Effective Modes of Communication
by xAnonymityx
Summary: Lily has a diary. Of course, James finds it.


Disclaimer: Not mine

A/N: Something to remind people of who I am, as I've not written anything since about last summer. This is Lily's diary. The bold is her writing. James steals it. His writing is neither bold nor italicized. Sirius' big-mouthed writing is italicized. It's not that hard to follow; you'll catch on quickly.

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Effective Modes of Communication

**James Potter is revolting, disgusting, perverted, egotistical, chauvinist, and rude. Can you believe that he had the nerve to say to me what he did, today? "Evans, how about a party tonight… me and you, in the empty classroom across from the kitchens?"**

**Ew. What did he expect me to say? "Yes, honey, see you there at nine sharp"? I mean, honestly. He's the bloody Head Boy, how could he even _think_ something like that? It's shameful. Dumbledore had no idea what he was doing when he made James O. Potter the Head Boy. NO IDEA.**

Why Evans, didn't know you cared enough about me to put me in your diary! Okay, calm down, I didn't steal it. I swear, Sirius did! He gave it to me, that's all. Naturally, I refused at first, but then I saw my name… Well, I'm just going to set this back in your dresser, where we.. I mean Sirius... got it.

(By the way… how exactly DO you know my middle initial? Not even Sirius does!)

Yours truly,

James O. Potter

P.S.- Is Petunia REALLY that horrible? My condolences.

**I can not believe Potter got a hold of my diary! Oh, the nerve of him! I _will_ lock it in a safer place next time. Though, he seems bright enough to grasp the concept of Petunia's horribleness. Isn't that surprising? Charms was terrible today- the grossly incompetent students in my class couldn't even manage a basic rotundus charm. Potter managed to break a window. What a moron. **

**Note to self: must work on decorating dorm for Christmas, meeting at 7:00 tomorrow.**

_Oh Lily dear, do you really underestimate us THAT much? It's not like we wouldn't have thought of checking under the mattress. Pity, you seem like such a clever girl_.

Sorry about that, then. Sirius got a bit overexcited. You know, I'm really not quite _that_ stupid, although it must seem like it at times. You see, I can do the rotundus charm perfectly well. So well in fact, that I mastered it early, and was spending my spare time perfecting some of my most recent inventions. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that eye of newt had reflective properties, a mistake which resulted in the smashing of a five hundred year old window. Although, if you'll recall, I did set it perfectly back to normal with a well-executed reparo charm, thank you very much. Oh yes, and for Christmas decorations… I was thinking floating glass baubles and shiny things and whatnot… Perhaps music, as well?

Yours truly,

James O. Potter

**Potter! This is not an effective mode of communication! STOP!**

**P.S. You were late for the meeting this morning, again.**

Well, it's not like you'll talk to me face to face.

Yours Truly,

James O. Potter

P.S. Well, I'm sorry if Prefects meetings aren't exactly at the top of my list of priorities.

**Well they would be, if you were any sort of a decent Head Boy. And don't forget; Saturday we have to decorate the Common Room. Your idea sounds fine, but I think we should add something more traditional, too, like a tree or a wreath.**

**P.S. This is still not an effective mode of communication!**

A tree sounds good. By the way, I feel that I must congratulate you on your stunning music box from Transfiguration. It was gorgeous, which of course means it was very fitting for you.

Yours truly,

James O. Potter

P.S. Wish me luck on the quidditch game tomorrow!

**I hope you fall and break your neck. And, what does that stupid "O" stand for anyway? Obtuse?**

**P.S. Thank you, I liked my music box too.**

Octavius, actually. It's a family name. I agree, it is rather stupid. I wish it was Thomas or Robert or Harry or something ordinary. I do hope that I _don't_ fall _or_ break my neck, because then I might have to spend Christmas all alone in the hospital wing, and that would be extremely depressing. I might even become suicidal; who knows.

Yours Truly,

James "Harry" Potter

P.S. You're very welcome.

**Well, I think Octavius is pompous and stuck-up, and so, for once, I will agree with you on something. Although, I think Octavius fits you, because I think you are pompous and stuck-up as well. Please don't become suicidal, not that I would mind, but then they'd blame me for your death, and being a suspect in a murder/suicide case would look terrible on my records.**

**P.S. You didn't fall _or _break your neck. Pity. Although, you did win Gryffindor the match, so I suppose I have to be at least semi-supportive of you. Crap.**

What's your middle name, then? Or at least your initial? Come on, I told you mine! Well then, I won't commit suicide, simply because I wouldn't want to tarnish your spotless record (How do you _do_ that? Do you have any fun, _ever_?) I don't think that Octavius fits me well at all. It sounds like some Roman general, and can you really picture me as a Roman general? I can't, and that's why I've decided to go with "Harry" instead.

Yours truly,

James H. Potter

P.S. You have no idea how much your semi-support means to me.

**Don't get too elated about my semi-support. It's obligatory. And, I'm not telling you my middle name or my middle initial, so don't bother asking again. Thank you for not tarnishing my spotless record; it is much appreciated. I would really have to kick your rear for that, and I don't want to get anywhere _near_ your rear for _any _reason, so thank you for sparing me that horror. By the way, I _do _have fun! It is possible for one to enjoy oneself without placing oneself or others in the immediate vicinity in danger, a concept you don't seem to have fully grasped. I will call you Harry, not because I don't think Octavius fits you, because it definitely does, but because I could never see you as a Roman General. You'd sully the good name of General, and I wouldn't do that to the good generals of the world; they've never done anything to me to deserve it.**

**P.S. This is _STILL_ not an effective mode of communication!**

No matter how involuntary your support, I cherish it all the same. And, I will find out your middle name. I have henceforth made it my mission in life. I shall not give up on my quest, day or night, rain or shine, for all of eternity, until I find Lily Evans's middle name! By the way, you never have fun. Studying is most definitely not classified as fun, and since that's all you do, you therefore must never have fun.

Yours truly,

James H. Potter

P.S. You're right, I would make a terrible general. I'm simply not strict enough. I'd rather be a strategist. Behind the scenes, figuring out the best course of action.

P.S.S. Your middle initial is E. I just saw that the inside cover of this diary is marked "L.E.E."

**That doesn't mean I'll tell you what it stands for.**

**P.S. don't forget the meeting tomorrow at SEVEN O'CLOCK. If you're late AGAIN, I will personally wring your neck!**

No need to get violent, Lily dear. Well, if you won't tell me, maybe I'll just have to guess. Ethel? Elsie? Emily? Am I getting warm? By the way, could you lend me your notes on polyanimorphous transfiguration? I'm afraid I was delayed on my way to class yesterday, and didn't get most of the notes.

Yours Truly,

James H. Potter

**No. Nowhere near close. Why don't you just admit that you're not as brilliant as you claim to be, because you can't even guess a girl's middle name? And I'll lend you my notes, not because I feel bad for you, because I'm sure that the reason you missed class is completely and totally against school policy, and don't tell me what it was, either, because then I'll probably be forced to take points from Gryffindor. No, I'll lend you my notes because I'm the Head Girl and that's the Head Girl-ish thing to do. I'll tuck them in the cover.**

**P.S. You were LATE!**

Well, you see, Lily dear, that I have a very good reason for being late to the meeting, as well, but you probably don't want to hear it. In fact, I'm positive that you don't want to hear it, so I'll spare you the details. By the way, I am as brilliant as I claim to be, because I have discovered your middle name. ELIZABETH. In fact, I'm going to call you Elizabeth every day, just to remind you of how brilliant I am. Actually, Elizabeth's a bit long. Perhaps I'll just call you Ellie. Yes. So, Ellie, how are things going? Oh and thank you so very much for the notes. I agree, it was a very Head Girl-ish thing to do, and I much appreciate it.

Yours truly,

James H. Potter

**Who told you that it was Elizabeth? Oh well, that doesn't matter anymore, the point is you found it out. (Which, by the way, still doesn't mean that you're brilliant; it just means that you're skilled at finding out things you shouldn't know)**

**P.S. I really loved the way you decorated the Christmas tree**

Well, dear Ellie, I really am an expert at finding things out. Perhaps I should be a spy. A bit of 007 on my plate, perhaps?

Yours truly,

James H. Potter

P.S. Why thank you. I rather hoped you would like the tree.

**Well, since you're calling me by my middle name, I suppose I'll have to call you by yours. Harry. So, Harry, I have to admit that I could much more easily see you as a spy than a general. Although, I don't think that you deserve the Bond Girls quite yet. You'll have to prove yourself worthy of that one.**

**P.S. You were late for the meeting… again. Nevermind. I suppose it's hopeless at this point.**

Dearest Ellie, I have to contest that I very much deserve the Bond Girls… after all, I'm a brilliant spy, and isn't that the reward? Well, if you really don't think so, I suppose I'll have to prove myself worthy. Come to Hogsmeade with me this weekend, and I'll show you that I'm perfectly worthy of entertaining a woman. I swear, I'll keep my hands off you, too, to prove that I am of good character. Please, Ellie?

**Harry, I've already... Well maybe if... Alright, but only if you swear on your life that you'll not make any moves on me. I'm simply doing this to assess your skill at entertaining a woman.**

**-Ellie**

**P.S. Don't tell anyone, please. It would ruin my hard-earned reputation of hating you to pieces.**

_What in the world did you tell him, you little minx? He's grinning all over the place and won't shut up about you! AND he won't tell my why! _

Well, Ellie, that's a very charitable thing for you to do- who knows, without your review of my skills, the poor women of the world might be subjected to something terrible! You're certainly doing your head-girly duties in this. I'll meet you at Honeydukes at eleven.

P.S. You're amazing

P.P.S. You're brilliant

P.P.P.S. Thank you!

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Post- A/N: This was written back when I was first in the fandom, about age 12, so grammatically and syntax-wise, I'm sure it's terrible. However, I've always been fond of the idea that this is how James finally got Lily to give in, and also the idea that the name "Harry" came from a longstanding joke between the two. I know that the conversations are random and choppy, but that's the way teenagers write, IMO- addressing several issues in the same note. Let me know what you think. Also, I'm so tired of FF writers who write Lily with no fun or sense of humor, only disapproving. Seriously, to marry James, she would have HAD to have SOME fun side to her. I like my Lily in this piece. Do you? 


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